Skirting Bored

Still very much off the wagon. The office christmas party was last night and I managed to lose my skirt. A santa outfit that I happened upon seemed preferable at the time. So now I'm going to have to go back to the bar and request my skirt. Is there ever a way of doing that while maintaining one's dignity? "Excuse me, yeah hi there, I came for an office party here last night and I forgot my skirt."

I'm going to take my trainers away with me this weekend in the hope that their current redundancy will guilt-trip me into putting them on. Next week is when the training plan kicks in and I'm going to have to run 8 miles on Christmas Eve. But did you know we put on, on average, 4 1/2 pounds over Christmas? HOOOO-RAH, lets all eat and drink as much as we possibly can to induce a few moments of elation before groaning, executing a horizontal collapse and feeling uncomfortable for approximately four hours, at which point, certainly for no hunger-related reason, we eat yet MORE turkey (this time cold with pickles).

And I've never really worked out how to deal with the guilt. The guilt I feel when I get given something I don't like, something someones spent time and money on, and then the guilt at wishing I could go on opening presents for EVER. Why must a stocking have a foot part? Could it not just go on, and on, and on... I want MORE! ... NO, Jessica, you are spoilt, obnoxious, avaricious, covetous... you have lost the true meaning of christmas, hail Mary eight times and stand on your head in the corner.

And then there's the guilt that Mummy puts sooooo much effort into every Christmas! Oh, the meticulous precision with which she stocks her larder with festive fare; the way she fills her wardrobe with presents that we invariably find; the careful wrapping of presents with the price tags still on. And then whoompf, its all over and I piss off back to London, leaving nothing but a mess that shows 'Jess woz ere'.

I won't go into the whole Christmas shopping thing - it tends to get me angry so I prefer to do it vocally, to really maximise the enjoyment of slagging off the General British Public.

Bah Humbug. You wouldn't believe that Christmas is actually my favourite time of year, would you? Merry Christmas, folks!
J